New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
