you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
