I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
