i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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