We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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