Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
