When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
