he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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