he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
