what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
