i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
