we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
