you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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