mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
