I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
