We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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