White coat. Heels.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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