I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
