it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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