no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
