there was a trapeze. enough said
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
