My room smells like vodka and shame
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
