And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I lost the right to judge tonight
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
