I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
