I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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