Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
