You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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