Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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