All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
