Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
