The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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