i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
