I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
