get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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