I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize