Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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