I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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