NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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