Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
