omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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