I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
