yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
