I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
