I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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