I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
