Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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