Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Randomize
