The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
