I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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