Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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