I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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