If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
