after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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