just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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