Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
