Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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