He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
