Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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