Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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