Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
