he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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