I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So squirting runs in the family.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
