Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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