I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
