it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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