Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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