he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
