dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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