the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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