I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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